Death is such a strong word
by Pirateofthenight
Summary: some thoughts of edward after his fateful phone call.....so what its over done......mines the best you know u want to read it!


**Death is such a strong word**

**A/N ok i know this like really over done and all but i did it again. Get over it!!!! ok so pretty please readit and review, it makes me happy, although i still have no clue what half of what is said means...ok then hope u enjoy!!!!v :-D**

**Disclaimer**: I am just playing the this world of Stephenie Meyer. It is all from her mind, if it were from mine we would all be sitting in corners rocking back and forth. ALL CREDIT TO HER!!!!

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Dead, my angel, the only thing that mattered dead. The boy confirmed it, at the funeral, dead. Of course I knew she would die eventually, but not like this. She wouldn't do this, what about Charlie and Renee. What about me?! I wanted to yell, scream anything, but I couldn't it would wake the family below me. I won't live in a world without her in it. I need her. How could I let her out of my sight? How could I tell her I didn't want or need or love her? I must be a monster to tell Bella that. Beautiful, loving, trusting Bella. I left her alone and now she is gone. She killed herself! My fist flew out and hit the beam next to me, oops. I needed to leave; I need this agony to end. I need, I sighed I needed her. The only thing I could ever need. How could I think I could live without her. But I did as long as I thought she was alive I could go on for another day, because she had a happy life, without monsters. But she didn't she killed herself. There is only one thing for me to do, only one, I can't live with this, without her in this world, I must die. Or stop existing. 

I climbed out of the window to the streets of Rio. I dropped the deadly phone in a trash can, why would I keep it? There is only one voice worth hearing and she is dead. The tool that brought the news of her death to me, gone, my link to my family gone. I don't care anymore. I can't be without her. And to think I had run away from her the first time I saw her, I thought she was a demon, now I know she was really an angel. My angel, sent to save me. And I threw her away, I thought didn't need her, that she didn't need me. How could I she is, was, a danger magnet, how could she live without someone to protect her. What have I done? Why? Why Bella? "Why?!" I yelled. Some lights flew on in the houses I was passing. A ran, running something that used to bring joy to me life. Something to do with Bella. Bella. Why Bella? Did you forget everything I said? What could have happened? Of course I know what happened I left her. I did this to her, to myself. I thought on my own not taking into consideration her and now she is dead. Dead. "Couldn't you have survived a little longer? I would have been there. I promise. But I also promised not to leave didn't I, Isabella?" I whispered. I walked to the airport, the microscopic thing that it was, and bought a ticket, I would go to New York, then to Italy.. Then I would beg the Volturi to take away this anguish. The angel the light, the life, was gone. She is gone. The meaning and reason gone. Everything gone. Oh Bella. Why? On the plane the old Spanish speaking women worried over me, I guess I looked about as bad as I felt. The plane landed in New York, in what seemed like a second. It was worse here, more thoughts, more noise. It blocked out the thoughts of Bella. I sat down on one of the hard old airport seats.

Closing my eyes I let myself think remember the time of pure bliss, that I had cut short, the things I wasn't supposed to think of but the things I could never forget. The first time, in the meadow, with her sitting next to me her warm fingers, on my cold body, it felt so right. My head on her chest listening to her heart. The first kiss, how I loved that. It was like tasting a piece of heaven. Then the nights of her sleeping and listening to her say my name, her body next to mine. The summer, the days of uninterrupted time together, the love. I love her. How beautiful she looked at our prom, she was the most beautiful thing in the world, is, was the most beautiful. The flash of institution that flashed in her eyes, seeing through everything I lied. Except the last, she didn't see through that she believed that one. How could she believe it. How? The boarding call, to Italy, to Voltora, to my end. To the end of the agony. If only I could have heaven too, then, then I could have my Bella. My Bella, my angel, my love, my life, the only thing I want. Standing up, I realized that hell couldn't be any worse then this; nothing could ever be worse then this. Nothing. The pain of knowing I caused her death, that I left her, that she was not where I could go, where I could never follow, that she was gone forever, nothing not the fiery pits of hell could be worse then this. Death is such a strong word, but not strong enough for her, she needs a better one. I got on the plane, and blocked out all thoughts but those of my dear Isabella Marie Swan.


End file.
